Jesus' Disciple Or Devil's Child
by lantiscod
Summary: [HM] A dialog between Horatio and Megan? What would they talk about? How much could it reveal about their relasionship? Hope you love this fic!
1. Chapter 1

Jesus' disciple or Devil's child

**Disclaim**: I own noting of Miami but love the team from season one as a family.

**A/N**: It hurt me much that CBS wrote out the character of my favored Megan Donner and gave us its official statement of her "less integral"... The first ten episodes of season one become my treasure, the role of Donner stays in my deep heart and I still keep the dream that maybe one day she will be back... CBS failed to handle the relationship between Horatio and Megan; I don't want that... Give them a chance to talk and this fic forms...

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Megan: Someone said I acted less integral... What do you think about it? 

Horatio: You are just too focused...

Megan: I'm too focused?

Horatio: Yes. And that would scare people...

Megan:... Did I scare you?

Horatio: Er... That depends on which of me?

Megan: Try it specifically.

Horatio: If you are saying the Horatio who works with you on homicide cases, no...

Megan:... What?

Horatio:... Megan, I know you are addicted to the truth, to the answers... But not everything has its answer, not everything happened can be proved completely only by physical evidences... We should consider human essentials.

Megan: I consider human essentials on every case.

Horatio: You are not considering them; you are testing them.

Megan:... I follow my intuition, estimate every possibility, collect any necessary evidence and test them all by science. So that all that I could get would be at least rather closer to the truth...if…if it is not exactly is...

Horatio: The process about how you work out cases is not wrong... It's about what you are expecting from this working process…

Megan: What has happened?

Horatio: In another word...

Megan: The answww...

Horatio: ...Swer...or the truth.

Megan:... Don't tell me you wanna close cases without any reliable scientific results.

Horatio: No, I don't... But I would not push my personal diversion on solving cases... People would feel pressure from you...

Megan:... Did you feel pressure from me?

Horatio:... A part of me says...yes...

Megan: Ouch... I never thought you were sensitive.

Horatio: Megan!

Megan: Well, I'll take it as a...compliment.

Horatio: Megan...

Megan: I'm listening.

Horatio: Forgive me if I am asking frankly...

Megan: ...

Horatio: Have you walked out the shadow of Sean?

Megan: Hold on... It has nothing to do with him.

Horatio: It has.

Megan: ... I am not discussing it now.

Horatio:... You just listen to me.

Megan: Okay.

Horatio:... Do you remember the case "Skeletons"?

Megan: Yep.

Horatio: When Jennifer Wilson asked me how I can know the result in advance, I told her I have a similar family history...

Megan: You never talked about your family.

Horatio: Yeah...

Megan:... It feels not good?

Horatio: ... That was a Sunday afternoon in the summer. I didn't have to go to the kindergarten and could stay with my younger brother Raymond at home. Raymond broke his right arm days before, had to stay in bed for several months so I planned to play chess with him that afternoon. I went to fetch the chess and when I came back to the bedroom, I saw my father standing near his bed, lifting his right arm, with a rattan in his right hand and right going to lash my brother. I knew father must have reviled him, he retorted and right then father would abuse him as usual. How can I let it happen when Raymond couldn't even move away in bed? I shouted, rushed up to his bed, protected him with my body and swore I would hack that bastard pieces by pieces and have him praying for death... Life was even worse day by day, year by year until we moved out of that hell...

Megan: Horrible! ...I...

Horatio: ...I thought I had walked away from those memories after that bastard died... When I saw you came back to the lab, when I feel what you've suffered and how you bear it even today, it seems I am seeing part of myself...

Megan: I'm sorry... I didn't know it would...

Horatio: ...I know they are totally different editions... But it just...just...just calls up...and I cannot help...

Megan: I didn't mean to... If I knew...

Horatio: ...You couldn't know...

Megan: I'm sorry...

Horatio: Megan, it's not your fault...I'm telling you my story not becoz I am going to...blame you...for your ability...to dig out my horrible memories...

Megan: I know you didn't mean it.

Horatio: I wanna you know I can think and feel in your shoes... And I wanna you know people always keep bad memories in the box... The weight of your box would be redoubled after your every following step... And this doubling work would never stop...until you could let yourself out of it some day...

Megan:... You think I have a problem? And my problem origins from Sean?

Horatio:... I am thinking it's not a good idea to bury your box away from your life... The deep you bury, the much hurt you will pay for it...

Megan: You are saying my personal deal interferes in my work?

Horatio: I am saying you are escaping from it...

Megan: ...

Horatio: Is there...something wrong?

Megan: You are thinking... You are saying...

Horatio: Yeah...

Megan: What you are thinking but not saying?

Horatio: ... ? ...

Megan: ... ! ...

Horatio: ... ?... ! ... Megan!

Megan: ... ? ...

Horatio: You are Jesus...

Megan: Well, have you made your decision?

Horatio: Not yet.

Megan: Haven't got a word?

Horatio: Yeah...

Megan: It's been ten years...

Horatio: I know you are good at counting...

Megan: Suppose...suppose one of them came here, to the lab, just to say a hello to you...

Horatio: ...So?...

Megan: Do you think they would not be curious if they saw Calliegh?

Horatio: What about Calliegh?

Megan: I can see the similarity, so could others from your bomb squad...

Horatio: You have seen her?

Megan: No. But I have seenthe photo of your bomb squad...

Horatio: How can you get that?

Megan: Simple. Sean had a friend there...Get to the point! How did you say just now? ...

Horatio: What? ...

Megan: Emn... Right! "...You are escaping from it..."

Horatio: ...

Megan: ...

Horatio: It seems we both have problems...

Megan: You said... Well, I would think about it...

Horatio: Thank you.

Megan: That's what I am saying...

(Megan smiled as usual and then left the office...)

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**I don't know whether it is the kind of relationship you want between Horatio and Megan, but it is the one I appreciate between them. I just write it out and put it here.**

**Problem comes from yourself, ends in yourself, like a test between Jesus' disciple and Devil's child.**

**This fic comes from a problem and ends up in another problem. Just like that saying, just like our lives.**

**PLS tell me what you think about this fic. And thanks for everyone who has R&R so far!**


	2. Chapter 2

Jesus' Disciple Or Devil's Child 2

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Megan:... Horatio? 

Horatio:... Yes?

Megan: I've called you four times...

Horatio: Oh... Right! I know.

Megan: ...

Horatio: Emn... Yes, I just slipped off for a second... What's going on here?

Megan: This is the DNA test result... DNA sample neither matches the blood on victim's clothes nor matches that on the spot.

Horatio: Mm... Seems we have to restart from the very beginning.

Megan: You got it. I'll recheck the clothes, maybe we neglected certain clue.

Horatio: ...Megan?

Megan: Yes?

Horatio: ...Stay with me for a minute.

Megan: No problem.

Horatio: ...

Megan: ...What's that?

Horatio: The attendance list for tonight's party.

Megan: With your bomb squad?

Horatio: Yes.

Megan: That's good! You are on the list.

Horatio: Yes.

Megan:...What's wrong?

Horatio: Her name is not on it...

Megan: No way!

Horatio: ...

Megan: Err... Did you know she changed her name; both first name and last name?

Horatio: ...?

Megan: Here...Mabel Moore for now... Not Martha any more...

Horatio: She is married?

Megan: As far as I know...no... She changed her names right after she moved to another state...

Horatio: That makes no sense.

Megan: It does... It says Mabel is the short form of the name Amabel...origins from Latin...means "worth love"...

Horatio: And Moore?

Megan: After her mum's surname.

Horatio:... You know her so much?

Megan: ...Horatio, you know me. I would like to leave you your own space and don't wanna be anyhow nosy about your untouchable forbidden deals if my words would rudely hurt you someway... You may not believe... It is all from your friends...your friends within your bomb squad... They stored some info here, with me, in advance...only for your possible further call...some day...

Horatio: ...?

Megan: It's the first time I know that there are people in the world who would do some extra effects...only for kinda tiny possibilities...

Horatio: ...Did I ever screw up anything?

Megan: ...It's not up to me to judge. But one question I haven't figured out is why you suddenly transferred to NY, stayed there for six months and then quitted from your bomb squad without saying anything?

Horatio: I...I got a problem there...which drew away from my team...

Megan: No one in Miami even knew the whole deal?

Horatio: No one, even her.

Megan: ...She left Florida the day you sent up your printed resignation. You know why?

Horatio: I accidentally heard of it later, but didn't ask.

Megan: So you never saw her since then?

Horatio: ...I don't know what I should say to her...

Megan: I thought you were a trouble shooter...

Horatio: I know it's not your words...

Megan: ...Would you attend the party tonight?

Horatio: ...Still don't know.

Megan: ...Then...why you care whether her name is on the list?

Horatio: If she was there...

Megan: ...If not, everything would be still in the way it is...and you have no trouble with thinking...

Horatio: Nope! I didn't mean it... I just thought if...

Megan: ...Why you fear seeing her?

Horatio: I didn't know how to... Not to mention it's been ten years...

Megan: That's what I calculated.

Horatio: ...There would be many things happened in the past ten years...

Megan: Do you fear of her refusal?

Horatio: Nope! I'm just not sure whether it is right to meet her at party tonight... I mean...maybe she never expected seeing me again...

Megan: Would this unexpectation hurt your honored self-pride?

Horatio: What is wrong if I am considering whether she would be happy to see me again, especially after these damn long ten years?

Megan: Did you ever say something during these throughout ten years?

Horatio: No.

Megan: Then how many evidences do you have to prove that she won't expect seeing you again?

Horatio: It's...it's me...who slid away...

Megan: ...It's youuuuuu who slid away... Why did you slide away?

Horatio: ...So many reasons... I thought I should end it ten years ago...

Megan: ...If you really wanna end it ten years ago, then why you recruited Calliegh, the one who looks like her?

Horatio:...Calliegh is a good csi; and...she is not involved in the whole deal!

Megan: But could connect something which would be exactly involved in...

Horatio: Now...I regret to mention the dealto you...

Megan: It's not the point! ...Have you get a clear shoot about what happens in your brain?

Horatio: ...

Megan:Still staywhere you are...or move on?

Horatio: ...

Megan: ...Which sentiment takes the lead?

Horatio: ...There are pieces all over...

Megan: ...Give yourself a quite segregated space...breath gently...listen to your own voice...voice from your heart, not from your brain...

Horatio: ...

Megan: ...It's better to leave you alone for a while...

Horatio: ...

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...Megan!

Megan: ...?

Horatio: ...They sound sharp...

Megan: ...Perception disorder is always sharp...

Horatio: ...

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...Megan, how do you spend your time after shift, excluding everything refers to those unsolved cases?

Megan: ...?

Horatio: ...If you never experienced...you would never know...

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...The Burning Thorns... Bible>...

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...Is it the way you are telling yourself that Sean lives immortally?

Megan: ...I am not the thorns.

Horatio: ...Or the voices are not the flames.

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...

Megan: Should I have to talk about this every time talking with you?

Horatio: ...Not forced to.

Megan: I would like to get my attention back to the right case at hand.

Horatio: ...Megan...

Megan: Any necessary leak about that it?

Horatio: Could you go with me? ..Tonight? ...To the party? ...After shift?

Megan: ...I know what you are thinking now. It's not a good ideal! Not at all!

Horatio: Do me a favor?

Megan: No!

Horatio: Give me a chance, just for one time?

Megan: No!

Horatio: Please?

Megan: No!

Horatio: Please!

Megan:... Well! No underground deals about me!

Horatio: Underground?... Emn, yes!

Megan: No personal notes about me!

Horatio: Notes?... O...okay!

Megan: No complacent smiles to me! I dislike your smiles!

Horatio: Aha?... Aye!

Megan: Let you know my last decision at the end of the shift.

Horatio: Ohhhhh, you don't have to!

(Horatio hands the paper back to Megan before she heads for the trace lab...)

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**Jesus! It was a disaster for me to hold the helm of this fic before I hardly lost it... It once seemed that what I wanna write goes wrong with what I've written. And I've been keeping on asking myself whether I've chose any topic wrong in the previous chapter for days...**

**I have to claim that this is a fic about Horatio and Megan, not a H/C ship... So if this fic disappoints you for not being a H/C one in chapter two, I'm sorry; it definitely isn't... Anyway, I am glad that it finally goes the right way now. And I would appreciate it much if you could tell me your views about this fic... **

**Nothing would be a disaster if you never care...**

**Thanks for everyone who has R&R so far!**


	3. Chapter 3

Jesus' disciple or Devil's child 3

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Horatio: Hey! 

Megan: Hey!

Horatio: Seems you are much more popular here than I thought.

Megan: They are old friends...

Horatio: Err... Some I even haven't seen before...

Megan: This team has been reformed for many times after your leave, especially for the past ten years...

Horatio: Did your leaks crowd around?

Megan: ...?

Horatio: Don't worry. No document...

Megan: ...Wait...I am an unspoken testifier!...

Horatio: ...You said...

Megan: ...This couldn't be your entire plan?

Horatio: Yeah...part of...

Megan: ...The one...before you walked in...or after?

Horatio: ...?

Megan: ...I saw you talking to her for a few minutes...

Horatio: Yep, within five minutes...

Megan: ...Is that...all?

Horatio: Nope... I...I changed my mind when I was almost to tell... Fortunately at that time her friend talked in...

Megan: Oui! I have to admit it's human nature: Women think once before speak, men think twice, and three times leads to silence...

Horatio: ...Uncompleted quotation, I bet... Whereas four times leads to the truth-- I didn't say I won't talk to her... I am saying...I changed my mind and decided to tell her a whole story, a truth...

Megan: You mean...you never thought of telling her a truth!

Horatio: ...Never before I saw that smile on people's face a moment ago...

Megan: ...?

Horatio: ...Haven't seen that kinda smile...since you were back...

Megan: ...You are...complaining about...my capability of...self-control?

Horatio: ...Is it that sweet...when you smelt clues to Sean?

Megan: ...Don't try to avoid answering...

Horatio: ...From their words? Even if no one did mean to mention his name on purpose?

Megan: ...? ...How...did these thoughts come to you?

Horatio: ...From what lives in the air...

Megan: ...Impressive ...Since when you sounds like a poets?

Horatio: ...Something just hides there, never been known, never be realized, but always there, until one day a time come, something walks out of your body, look at you from a distance, like a spectator, but with your mind, with your eyes, and feels what you feel, then suddenly you could see what you never see before...

Megan: ...

Horatio: I guess you see them... You felt you would see something, just didn't know what or when... But now you see them, you see...

Megan: ...Words' strength could be timed by repeating?...

Horatio: ...So does the vision...

Megan: ...Okay. ...Does your vision...have something to do...with mine?

Horatio: ...Have you ever be scared of what you see?

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...Is it what I said that makes a curve expressed?

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...You smiled.Does itmean you completely agree with me...

Megan: ...Horatio, you act a little unusual tonight, ...like a mysterious child, ...keeping on speaking weird words.

Horatio: ...You know...

Mabel: Hi!

Horatio: Hi! This is...

Mabel: ...Ms. Donner. Your name is so familiar to me. I'm Mabel, Mabel Moore. Nice to see you here!

Megan: Nice to see you!

Mabel: Err...have I interrupted your conversation? I mean...you two look a little surprised on hearing of my voice...

Horatio: Nope. Actually we are going to draw an intermission...

Mabel: ...I see. I just make a round to say hello to Ms. Donner before I walk to my friends over there... I wanna make sure if I could talk to you when I turn back, Ms. Donner?

Megan: ...Fine.

Mabel: Then...I'll see you later.

Megan: See you later...

Horatio: ...Is she attracted to you?

Megan:...I don't think...you really wanna ask me this question?

Horatio: ...Well, the thought is one thing, the action is another, and the wheel of causality does not roll between them...

Megan: ...Tell me...what are you trying to escape tonight?...

Horatio: ...I am just thinking whether you would like to refresh your storage of info?

Megan: ...You know...it's okay that I brought you a rain check..to avoid your...silence embarrassment with her...if your breath is not ready... But...but I...I cannot speak for you... Ten years is not a short time... No matter what happened, now you get a chance to talk frankly with her... right tonight... You cannot choose to neglect it any more... If you don't doit when you could, ...when you want to, you will find you are gone...

Horatio: ...Maybe...you are a great prophet?

Megan: ...If you...if you do see what I see, why not choose to face it?... No matter what it is, she deserves knowing a truth...

Horatio: ...Do you believe...white lies?...

Megan: ...Recreating is the only way to avoid a statement...

Horatio: ...

Megan: ...Maybe I should leave you alone here...to let you see clearly...

Horatio: Megan! ...Stay with me for a minute.

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...Just a minute.

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...Have you...have you ever heard of...Andrew, her elder brother?

Megan: ...Nope...

Horatio: ...Seldom people know she had a brother... He, Raymond and I are brothers since in high school. He moved to NY to continue his business when she attended college, but died in a traffic accident there afterwards...

Megan: ...He is the point?...

Horatio: ...He died within my six months in NY...

Megan: ...You...witnessed his death?...

Horatio: ...No. But...but it is me who caused his death...

Megan: ...How could you be involved?...

Horatio: ...I went to NY for a serial bomb case interfered within these two states. Everyone worked days and nights and finally we got clues to chase right after the bomber... One day I released the bomb threat from another businessman who appeared lawful but in fact was a drug smuggler... You know everyone is still a rightful citizen before convicted... But it is right him who arranged Andrew's traffic accident... I fulfilled my duty at a cost of my close friend's death...

Megan: ...You couldn't know it at that time; it's not your fault...

Horatio: ...But it's me who did it... I told myself I couldn'tlet that guy get scot-free... So I tried every way I couldto prove his guilty, but never made it... It ended as a traffic accident...

Megan: ...You tried...

Horatio: ...And...during my personal investigation...I figured out...Andrew...was a drug dealer...

Megan: ...Didshe know? About the whole thing?...

Horatio: ...She knowsnothing... She flied to NY to claim his body, held his funeral in NY underground... I watched her leave the cemetery in a far distance with grief, while fearing of being noticed... What could I say at that time, tell her what he did, tell her how he died, tell her how he managed the family after their parents' death when she was a little girl, or why he moved to NY and cut the connection with his only sister?...

Megan: ...Something needs time to understand...

Horatio: ...I never put down the ideal of collecting evidences of that guy... I know even if I cannot prove his murder for Andrew, I can prove others... I couldn't let him slip out, no matter how long it takes...

Megan: ...When do you plan to tell her?...

Horatio: ...You still think I should tell her?...

Megan: ...There are two men in the world do love her by their hearts, she deserves knowing it...

Horatio: ...Iguessed you would say it like this...

Megan: ...What makes you tell me? Refresh info with me?

Horatio: ...You know there is a saying: Once a woman feels you like a child, it means she would stand loyalty with you at the other side of your tomb...

Megan: ...Answer my question directly...

Horatio: ...I will fly to NY for another cooperation tomorrow morning; planning to stay for three weeks... This time...the different situation is we will haveenough convincing evidences... I've been expecting for the time for ten years...

Megan: ...Youwon't leave again without say anything to her, will yout?

Horatio: ...No...I won't make any appointment with her tonight... If I cannot be back, I need you to do me a favor...to tell her the whole story...

Megan: ...You... God wouldn't let you go easily if you still owe much favor to countless others...

Horatio: ...Wish me good luck.

Megan: ...

Horatio: ...And promise me to take good care of yourself...

Megan: ...Good luck...

(Horatio smiles when walks to the host's direction... Megan looks around at Mabel who chats with friends, looks back at Horatio who gives a glance to Mabel before he leaves... Things always go this way... Megan said to herself, sighed and stands up to take a glass of water... She knows she has to take a deep breath before Mabel turns back to her...)

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**I got the ideal of having this silence scene as my fiction's end when I watched the beginning of the** **movie "Tristan** **and** **Isolde"... There** **are so many movies which have this kind ofsilence end and they are so beautiful... So I wrote it out and made it here, just hoping it could bringthe same beauty for the HHoratio-Megan relationship... If you see or feel it, do tell me coz I do care about whether it works; if you have different impression, do let me know your viewscoz then I would know how much it misses...**

**Nietzsche once wrote: The friend of the anchorite is always the third one: the third one is the cork which preventeth the conversation of the two sinking into the depth... Maybe H or M is not only each other's second friend, but also the third one... It's seldom to have two with one, if it has, must be a gift from God...**

**And thanks a lot for everyone who has R&R so far!**


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